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33, Male
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Blackhand Inn
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5/6/07
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Street Fighter Stories

2007-07-27 06:19:37 by rolentogrenades

Stamper's recent post alerted me to the fact that the Capcom Play System 3 board has finally been emulated, which I previously thought impossible. This got me back on a Street Fighter kick and inspired me to write up some crazy memories I've had over the years playing SF games.

I popped my Street Fighter cherry with the very first installment at a place called Funstations back in the early 90s. And it was fucking horrible, not resembling anything Capcom has done since. The limitations were only being able to choose between Ryu or Ken in short bouts that seemed to be very one-sided in the CPU's favor. But here's the kicker. While playing it, a dude actually tried pick pocketing me! I had Funstations tickets and this sly bastard was attempting to slide them out of my back pocket! That's one of the main reasons I remember playing it then.

Several years afterwards I would find the incredibly successful sequel, II Champion Edition (not Championship Edition, fuck you SEGA die) at a local skating rink. My mother would always get pissed at me because I refused to skate and instead played Capcom games like Champion Edition and Final Fight, wasting up all my eating money. I thought skating was incredibly gay. And one day while playing Champion Edition a chick actually hit on me! Only I was too young to understand what was going on, so I responded with "Stop fucking with me" after she commented "You're really great at Street Fighter" despite the fact that I was losing my shit to E. Honda at the time. Later her boyfriend got into a fight with one of my friends. Very strange...

At this point, it was time to bring the fight home. And bring it hard. And I hated Sega with a passion, so I owned a SNES and began saving money for Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. But soon after, Turbo was released and became the ultimate home SF game. It had all the arcade greatness, but was even faster and had (for the time) reasonably beautiful sprites. But of course this could not sustain gamers for long and Capcom once again improved with quite possibly the most revolutionary game of all time, my beloved Super Street Fighter II, introducing all new characters!

I could not afford this monster, so I started up a small landscaping thing to get it. A local neighborhood bully asked me what I was doing and I said "Starting up a lawn thing to save up money for something" to which he responded "Bitch, I'll start up one and make more money then." Seriously. Fortunately, I did manage to undercut some of his business and make him look stupid.

When the day came to go to the store to pick up SF II: Turbo, I realized I was short of change! Fuck! So I got some other nonsense instead, like a shitty arcade pad for my SNES, which tore up after the second day of use.

My only chance to play this fucker, since it was always rented out at a place called Video To Go, was through a friend who said his uncle was bringing his SNES with him and all his games while on visit. Just as I thought I would get my greasy hands on that cartridge, I came down with a sudden illness. I was throwing up, had a stomach ache, etc. My friend's dad offered me Tums, which did absolutely nothing! NOTHING! FUCK TUMS! So I had to go home and I was pissed the fuck off with my friend gloating the next day about how uber super awesome cool this game was.

My last bizarre memory of Street Fighter comes with the third in the Zero/Alpha series. I rented it when it first came out, like the previous two, and had a friend come over to play. He beats everyone in any SF game ever and always had, so I was already pissed losing to his 100 hit combos and technical mumbo jumbo already. I went to take a break and one of his friends was out in the room talking about how his sister got raped and about how he pulled out a gun on the guy that was raping her. This guy had some sort of BB/pellet gun in his hand and tried to point it at me while describing his story. I pushed it out of the way and said it didn't scare me. We had some sort of weird stare-down session.

So as you can see, Street Fighter has cursed me and blessed me my whole life.

Street Fighter Stories